Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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