when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
there is glitter all over my balls
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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