He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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