Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
