so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
