Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
