I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
