We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
