I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
