I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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