What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
