I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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