can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
