Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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