nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
someone get that fucking seahorse.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
