I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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