My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
