nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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