Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
