Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My pussy is not your playground.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
