I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
