Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
