remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
