"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
