its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
