this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and she was petting her beer can
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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