hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm getting married
To pizza
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
