I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
