walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
