Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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