i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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