Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
