I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
