Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize