My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
