Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
