I'm going to jail i love you
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
