Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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