He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Pappa wants mamma naked
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
