just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
