dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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