He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize