my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
