I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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