You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
