So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
