Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
