he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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