Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
