he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Your penis caused this!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
