I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
