She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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