just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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