So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
