I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
