I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
