I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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