it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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