so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i think i have herpe
just one?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
