how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize