SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
