Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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