Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
