Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
