Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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