she smelled like a LAN party
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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