I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
