I must be too annoying 4 u.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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