mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
