oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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