the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
