apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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